New theme song.

Work From Home ft. Ty Dolla $ign

Ever since I began working from home
my cleavage has gotten amazing

I learned the seductive way to wear a utility belt
and I finally have an excuse to sport

all those g-d damn sexy leotards
that have been sitting in my drawer for months

and all the other woman I know locally
who also work from home

come over in their work boots
and we grind in unison

on top of anything lying around
cuz that’s what working from home affords us

cuz we don’t gotta go to work
we let our bodies do the work

“What Kind of Times Are These” (poem by Adrienne Rich)

What Kind of Times Are These

There’s a place between two stands of trees where the grass grows uphill
and the old revolutionary road breaks off into shadows
near a meeting-house abandoned by the persecuted
who disappeared into those shadows.

I’ve walked there picking mushrooms at the edge of dread, but don’t be fooled
this isn’t a Russian poem, this is not somewhere else but here,
our country moving closer to its own truth and dread,
its own ways of making people disappear.

I won’t tell you where the place is, the dark mesh of the woods
meeting the unmarked strip of light—
ghost-ridden crossroads, leafmold paradise:
I know already who wants to buy it, sell it, make it disappear.

And I won’t tell you where it is, so why do I tell you
anything? Because you still listen, because in times like these
to have you listen at all, it’s necessary
to talk about trees.

— Adrienne Rich

“Coffee Does It To Me.”

Coffee Does It To Me

You know that feeling
when you have just downed
your morning cup
of Positive Outlook Beverage
and you feel that absolutely everything
you have ever wanted to do with your life
is possible

and even though that feeling
only lasts an hour
if you use your time right
you can do everything pressing
and a few things creative
in that first caffeinated hour
and then spend the rest of the day
feeling like a goddamn superheroine.

 

screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-9-52-35-am

October 10 by Wendell Berry

Now constantly there is the sound,
quieter than rain,
of the leaves falling.

Under their loosening bright
gold, the sycamore limbs
bleach whiter.

Now the only flowers
are beeweed and aster, spray
of their white and lavender
over the brown leaves.

The calling of a crow sounds
loud—a landmark—now
that the life of summer falls
silent, and the nights grow.

***

New England Aster Misha M. Johnson
New England Aster by Misha M. Johnson

Fake Wedding Ceremony.

FAKE WEDDING

I’m an ordained minster, and I love doing weddings.

For this wedding, I got to have some fun with the ceremony, as the wedding was…fake. It was an event meant to showcase a handful of small Vermont businesses, and so although the photos depict real people having a REAL GOOD TIME, the whole thing was designed as a promotional shoot.

I didn’t need to write a fake ceremony in order for the ceremony to be photographed, but I wanted to. Because when you’re going to wear neutral colors and drink wine and eat fabulous food with your friends, you might as well take the opportunity to make them laugh while standing on a rock outcropping in a pond. As I always say.

***

ORTENZIA + JASPER

We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Ortenzia Caviglia and Jasper Ankle. Theirs is a love so perfect—so well-designed—that it almost appears to have been manufactured by an agrarian creative studio. Their love extends beyond the physical world, beyond simplistic ideas of “reality” and “real people,” and enters into the realm of the sublime.

Do these two people truly exist? Is this a real marriage? Does anyone have cell phone service? Is Kanye West a “good person”?

The answer to these questions, my friends, is no. Does that make this party any less fun or this love any less worth remembering? Of course not.

This day shall be remembered as a day when two people pretended to be two other people, and other people in attendance also pretended to be other people, and photographs were taken, and food was eaten, and beverages imbibed, and later on, when other other people viewed the photos, they sighed to themselves, and they swooned, and they purchased things for sale in the photos.

May the love between Jasper and Ortenzia fortify our convictions that love is real, that parties are delicious, and that yes, we can all have successful businesses in rural Vermont. As Jasper once said to Ortenzia, quoting the rapper 50 Cent in his hit song “21 Questions” featuring Nate Dogg: “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” And Ortenzia replied, “Samesies.” And the whole world sighed in contentment.

And now, without further ado, I will turn to these two people, people, who, in another life, perhaps, were already married to each other and already had a baby and congratulations on that by the way, and say:

By the power vested in me by Two of Us Photography, Longest Acres Farm, Big Picture Farm, Stitchdown Farm, Farmrun, Free Verse Farm, Woodbelly Pizza, Ardelia Farm, La garagista, Vermont Tent Company, and Who is Sylvia,

I now pronounce you: HUSBAND AND WIFE.

You may now kiss the bride.

(“21 Questions” by 50 Cent plays in the background)

Categories Uncategorized

Book Jokes.

These are the type of quips I occasionally come up with, while twirling around in front of the fire (winter), or while on my second glass of wine before dinner, outside/barefoot/laughing (summer).

If you subscribe to Read Literately, you’ll get this type of stuff in your inbox. No presh, but you know, get on it.

Books I May Write

COPYRIGHT TAYLOR MARDIS KATZ. Please don’t steal these jokes. They’re all I’ve got. (Joking.)