This Book Is Not Available In Hawaii

 

“The OY! of Cooking” sold so well

in my imagination (the book

that taught readers how to cope

with ugly kitchen mishaps)

that I’ve faux-written a second

cookbook, a self-help cookbook

available in the self-help section

for your browsing convenience.

It’s titled “Regrets and Vinaigrettes”

and it’s on sale for a limited time only

in various independently-owned bookshops

in the contiguous United States.