This Book Is Not Available In Hawaii
“The OY! of Cooking” sold so well
in my imagination (the book
that taught readers how to cope
with ugly kitchen mishaps)
that I’ve faux-written a second
cookbook, a self-help cookbook
available in the self-help section
for your browsing convenience.
It’s titled “Regrets and Vinaigrettes”
and it’s on sale for a limited time only
in various independently-owned bookshops
in the contiguous United States.