When life gives you lemons…
you make blood orange lemonade and mix it with vodka.
When life gives you sailor-themed thigh highs with little silver anchors hanging from the top, you…
purchase a ship?
get your freak on?
prepare your sexy sailor halloween costume very, very early?
What I receive at the farmers’ market is not only vegetables.
Uh-huh.
(photo found at wanderlust, where you can get high on food images.)
Many people write about birds
but not about birds’ thoughts.
I guess it doesn’t interest people
that all pigeons dream of living
in Paris, Texas and most penguins
prefer the look of mourning-men
to mailmen when given the choice.
When people write about birds
they often think only of themselves
wishing they could be birds.
(That’s Sean T. Randolph with his eyes all squinty from laughter, and that’s his girlfriend Hellen who is hilarious on Twitter. I took this photo in my kitchen over a year ago and both of them will say “shucks i look terrible!” when they see this, but GUYS, YOU LOOK GREAT. You look like life is funny. Which it is.)
vegetables are so awesome! some people love fennel and some people spit it out because it tastes like licorice–i agree with both camps! squash season is over but hardcore farmers still have three acorns and a butternut sitting in a bowl or on a dark shelf! once in costa rica it was my job for a whole week to pick fat gluttonous worms out of corn leaves with a stick and squash them but i didn’t squash them! i put them in a happy squirmy pile together underneath some big leaves! and sometimes when there is a big ole snail in a box of lettuce that i’m unloading that is hilarious! that snail is my friend! he is so slow but with a big house! if you ever see an artichoke growing out of the ground you will think, holy shoot it’s a green pineapple! and if you try to make potato leek soup and it turns out all your leeks are actually fresh garlic, that is also delicious and works! garlic and leeks look so much alike it’s like they’re best friends who both have green mohawk heads! don’t feed me radiccio because my mouth hates it but also the color of it is beautiful! like the dress that i hope to find and wear to lilah’s wedding! lilah who loves tiny versions of vegetables and her mother who loves absurdly big ones that resemble penises! vegetables are hilarious and some of them are purple! and i love purple almost as much as i love vegetables! ok let’s dance!
blogs from not-america have awesome stuff like the above gif!
Otis Henry is a straight up gangster.
Everything Otis Henry does, he does gangsterized
Because he is such a straight up gangster.
When Otis Henry walks, he walks gangster.
Look at Otis Henry’s walk—
Oh Lord, it is too gangster!
When Otis Henry is hungry, he gangster eats.
Eating hard!
Ripping the celery from its stalk.
For that is what true gangsters eat.
Straight up gangster celery.
When Otis Henry drives a car—you guessed it:
Gangster.
How do gangsters drive cars, you ask?
Answer: just like Otis Henry.
Superduper gangster.
After washing his hands, Otis Henry straight up gangster dries his hands.
He dries his hands like a straight up gangster
On a gangster hand towel
Monogrammed with a G.
Cause everybody needs to know that this is a straight up gangster hand drying party
And Otis Henry
Is the original
Straight up gangster.
And when I say gangster
I mean gangster gangster ass gangster.
And when I say gangster gangster ass gangster.
I mean poet.
Oh God! It’s great!
to have someone fix you
chocolate milk
and to appreciate their doing it!
Even as they stir it
in the kitchen
your mouth is going crazy
for the chocolate milk!
The wonderful chocolate milk!
Poppa Dids aka P-Ditty Poppa aka JK aka my Daddio
(thanks to Sarah Schoenberg Katz, my sissy number 1, also known as SWISS MISS, for this photo)
(I found this, and a lot of other good stuff, here.)
panache, perhaps 